Protecting Our Children

December 09, 2011 by Sally Sheppard

During these days with too many stories of child abuse and sexual assault all around us, it can be tremendously overwhelming to understand why these things happen. Those who have children and care for children are asking “how can I protect my child from sexual abuse”? The Cottage has developed a few steps that can help a parent or caregiver with knowledge to aid in the protection of their children from child sexual abuse.
Step 1: Understand the Risks. Make it a point to know what child sexual abuse is. It can be something as simple as having sexual relations in front of a child or leaving pornographic or sexual material within a child’s view. Of course, it is also as serious as touching a child’s private parts, someone asking a child to touch their private parts, etc. Pretty much child sexual abuse is when a child has had the door to sexual behaviors opened to them before a time when it is appropriate for them to have that knowledge. Once this door is open, it is hard to be closed.
Step 2: Reduce the Risk. You must trust the person(s) that you leave your child with, unsupervised. This means a relative, friend, child care provider, older sibling of the child, etc. You must trust your instincts if they are telling you that this person doesn’t seem completely trust worthy of having you child be with them alone. 90% of those who molest our children are someone we know. Of course, we don’t leave our children with strangers, so this statistic makes sense. Also, 85% of those that molest our children are relatives. Again, trust your instincts.
Step 3: Talk about It. I encourage you to give your children names for their private parts at a very young age. This can start as young as age one. As you give your child a bath, please tell them the names to all their body parts, including their private parts. Continue this education as they get older. Around age 3, make sure that they know that their private parts are private and no one should touch them unless they are giving them a bath, putting medicine on them, changing a diaper or a doctor. As they get around age 5, they should be taught what to do if someone gives them a touch that is not okay or makes them give a not okay touch. They should be taught to say no, get away from that person, and tell another adult as soon as possible. Make a list with them of what adults can be told and encourage them to keep telling if they feel that they have not been heard.
Step 4: Stay Alert. Be knowledgeable of signs that children may show that have been abused. These may include major changes in their behavior that are unexplained. Children showing inappropriate sexual knowledge for their age and developmental stage may be a sign of child sexual abuse. Again, if you have been having conversations with them about okay and not okay touches for body parts, it should be smooth transition to ask them if they have had a not okay touch or where they learned the inappropriate behavior.
Step 5: Act on Suspicions. Please don’t be afraid to ask your child if someone has given them a touch that is not okay. Please don’t be afraid to remove your child from a situation that your instincts are telling you may not be safe for them. Please don’t be afraid to report any disclosure verbally or otherwise to the authorities. There are experts within our community who are specially trained to assess if a child has been a victim of sexual abuse. The reporting procedure starts with DFCS within the county where you live. If you have questions about a child’s disclosure, physical or emotional symptoms or how and where to report, please call The Cottage hotline (24/7) at 706-353-1912.